I've been struggling lately with not knowing what God's plans are for me. Back in November, I was laid off from work. Though I'm looking for a new job, I haven't found anything that's a great fit, so I've been struggling with not working. I've had some sort of job since I was a teenager, so it's been quite a change. Though I only worked a few hours a week, I found myself feeling "lost".
After talking with my mom, I realized I was feeling sorry for myself and needed to pull myself back up. I needed to get my head on straight. There had been several weeks that I just didn't really do much of anything other than cook, clean and look for a job--I didn't even blog all that much. I was just going through the motions I guess.
So, I pulled myself up and started doing things again. I planned trips to the library and activities with my son. I planned and completed a bunch of Christmas projects. Then I kept myself busy planning my son's birthday party. All the while I've continued to search for jobs. Then after all things started to calm down after the holidays and my son's birthday, and I started to let myself think again.
I still don't know what the future holds, and for a planner like me, that can be a scary and uneasy feeling. It makes me grumpy and not all that much fun to be around. What can help me change this feeling? I realized in church yesterday that while I've been reading my Bible, I haven't really been absorbing it. I made it a goal at the beginning of the year to read in the entire Bible this year, but it quickly became just another box for me to check off. I haven't really been letting it "feed" me, and I even stopped doing the She Reads Truth devotions. I was, after all, reading several chapters a day to complete my goal. I was justifying not really getting into the Word. It's like tasting the food on your plate and then spitting it out--it's not going to do you much good unless you actually eat it.
So, this morning I decided to get back into the She Reads Truth devotions. I thought I'd just start at the beginning of the current study. Then I saw the name of the study before that: "Fresh Start". It just seemed like the way I should go. I did the reading, read the study, read a few of the comments, and then read the verse at the close of the study again:
Then it really started to hit me. God has a plan. His plan is not my plan. My plan would be laid out in a checklist of things to complete, but His plan is so much better than that. He has so much more in store for me, and even though I don't understand and can't see it now, I'm sure there will be a day that I'll say, "Oh! That's what the plan was!" and "It turned out so much better than anything I could have come up with myself." In the meantime, I'm praying for peace and patience until that plan is more clear and am giving it my all to just put my trust in Him. After all, He's the best planner of them all!For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your waysand my thoughts than your thoughts.Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)
Why am I sharing all this with you?
Well, consider me on the rooftop! I am a Christian, I love Jesus, and I want you all to know about Him! He loves us all so much! I plan on sharing more, because I believe that's something that God wants me to do...something that He's been wanting me to do, but I've been a little afraid of what people might think or say. I'm still going to blog about the usual crafting, DIY, and kid's activities, but I'm going to let it get a little more personal from now on. Those are the kinds of blogs I enjoy reading, and I hope you'll enjoy Taking Time To Create a little more too.
If you have ANY questions about Jesus and a personal relationship with him, please email me. I'd love to talk to you! I may not have all the answers and I'm certainly not perfect as you can see from the post above. BUT He does have all the answers, and He is perfect. If you don't have a personal relationship with Him, He's what's missing in your life!